A Man Who Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder Let People Ask Him Anything They Wanted, And His Answers Are Eye-Opening
According to researchers, between 1-2% of adults in the US have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with NPD typically think about themselves in grandiose terms, lack empathy for others, and require lots of admiration in order to feel secure.
Recently, on Reddit, a man with NPD invited other users to ask him anything they wanted to know about his diagnosis and his experience, and the conversation was eye-opening.
He started off the thread by writing, "I have NPD and fit most of the stereotypes, other than the fact that I have a large social circle, and I don't throw tantrums when I get angry. I cheat, I steal, I lie, I abuse — everything to get ahead... I'm not sure if this is even that interesting, but I figured that a lot of people have been traumatized by people like me, so maybe I can provide some insight into why we think this way."
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Here are some of the most fascinating questions and answers from his thread:
Questions and answers have been lightly edited for grammar and clarity.
1. Q: How would you describe what a narcissist is?
A: Someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
There are also nine key traits:
1. Grandiose sense of self-importance.
2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Need for excessive admiration.
4. Belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
5. Sense of entitlement.
6. Interpersonally exploitive behavior.
7. Lack of empathy
8. Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.
9. Envy of others or belief that others are envious of him or her.
2. Q: How did you get diagnosed? I've understood that NPD is particularly difficult to diagnose as people usually aren't aware of their narcissism.
A: I was having a lot of other problems mentally due to PTSD, to the point where I was basically just sitting in my room, punching a punching bag, and crying. I'm pretty sure I was having some kind of psychological episode of some kind because I don't remember any of it.
My roommate was like, "Okay, I'm done with your shit, you need to get checked out, or else I'm moving out," so I did, and in the process of getting that mess sorted out, I was diagnosed as a narcissist.
3. Q: What approach did your therapist take to inform you that you were a narcissist? How did you react to getting your diagnosis?
A: They said it very bluntly. They basically said, "From what you have told me, I think it's likely that you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder."
I just said, "Okay, thank you," then panicked in the car later.
4. Q: Do you know the real you? Or do you feel like you’re a blank slate until you meet someone and then figure out how to portray yourself?
A: I do, and I don't particularly like who I am. I'm a cold, selfish, heartless person, and I don't even feel like I have "personhood" or what makes us humans special. I don't have empathy or compassion or love or anything. I'm closer mentally to a rat. I only care for what I want.
5. Q: Do you accept that your dating life is going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible? My last ex had NPD. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he also had a rough childhood like mine, but even with intense therapy multiple times a week he couldn’t be fixed. The constant manipulation and lying…
A: I don't care about having a long-term relationship, and I don't care about anyone other than my niece. I have had long-term relationships, but I know they aren't "real" relationships. I lie about everything in them, down to the music I like. I want to be loved, but I'm not attached to who loves me.
6. Q: At the very least, I’m glad you are self-aware. Do you do these things to your niece? What makes her so different from everyone else in your family and friend group?
A: Of course not. I love her. She's also 11 right now, and I'd never do this stuff to someone who is a kid, anyway.
I also don't do this stuff to everyone, only if it benefits me. I don't want to see people I like get hurt for no reason. I help a lot of them, surprisingly. I only hang out with people who are below me mentally and emotionally because I like feeling superior in that way, so it's easy to help them. You just point out the obvious and watch them thank you for saying a very simple solution.
This is going to sound really bad, but she has Down syndrome. She's just such the opposite of who I am. She's so caring and won't ever manipulate anyone. She's always positive, never has anything to complain about, and on top of that, she thinks I'm the best person ever. She's just a joy to be around, and I genuinely love her.
7. Q: Do see anyone in your social circle as a "friend," or are they simply someone you can use to get what you want?
A: I do, but it's a very corrupt version of it. I would throw them all under the bus if they ever did anything to get in my way or if it meant I would be able to get ahead, and I have probably hundreds of times. I'm sure it's not a huge surprise to you I don't have many long term friends.
8. Q: How do you define love?
A: That's the hardest question yet. I don't know. It's like when you go into a room, and someone you love is there; you get happier automatically because you genuinely want to be around them. They don't need to interact with you; they just need to exist, and that's enough to raise your mood. It's genuinely enjoying someone for who they are and a deeper understanding than just liking someone. That's how I see it.
9. Q: Can someone live happily with a narcissist? Is there a cure?
A: I think it depends on the narcissist. In most cases, I'd say no. You can be friends and such with them, but I don't see having a romantic relationship ending well with 90% or more of us, definitely not me, at least. No matter what, a relationship with me is always a competition, and I will do anything in my power to win.
There is no cure. You can seek help and become a "good" person, but you'll always be stuck as a narcissist.
10. Q: How do we avoid dating and marrying you?
A: Don't date people who you can't see any flaws in. Everyone has flaws, and if they don't show it they are hiding it.
Were you surprised by any of the questions or answers? And have you ever known anyone with this diagnosis? Join the conversation on facebook.
